Once again I was struggling this week with this space. Though most of your comments on my last post were awesome, there were still a couple of people who just didn’t seem to get it.
To make matters worse, people have been attacking the legitimacy of the podcast. The podcast I spend 20 hours a week maintaining. The podcast I pay for out of my own pocket.
Needless to say all of that left me rather ranty. Then Cristy, who is infinitely wiser and more rational than I am put up this great post about the podcast. I don’t think we need to defend ourselves or apologize for anything, but Cristy does an amazing job at both with this post.
So before writing up the post I am about to publish, I wrote up another one. One that was really angry and said “fuck” a lot. I will spare you all the details. But most of you know me. I think you can guess where I was coming from.
But this is the bottom line:
This blog is not an ALI blog. I am now moving on to other topics. Anyone who still decides to judge me “lucky” after all I’ve been through – well – you’ve got a really warped sense of what lucky is. I certainly don’t hope that you ever get any of my luck. But the thing is I don’t like to dwell or feel sorry for myself for too long. Ok – I do usually dwell and feel sorry for myself – but not when it comes to grieving my son. So I’m putting my frustration aside. I don’t need the world to understand me. I’m just going to stop approving the insensitive comments. This is my space. As Carman says:
Also – anyone who decides to debate whether I am “worthy” to host the podcast that I STARTED and that I work hard at – go start your own. Let’s see you dig up the over $100 a month and twenty hours a week it takes to maintain it.
Ok – now I’m getting ranty again. Sorry. I swear Cristy does this so much better than I do.
Here’s my point: I’m done with this BS. You don’t like my perspective, please don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. A few trolls and insensitive comments shouldn’t overcrowd the awesomeness that is my readers and the listeners of the podcast. Cause they rock and stuff so I’m just going to concentrate on that.
Otherwise I’ll get ranty. And though that makes for some entertaining blogging, it’s not so great for my psyche.
I’m going to get back to regular blogging now. Feel free to hang around if you like. I’ve got a great post about network TV shows brewing that hopefully I’ll get around to in the next couple of days.
Edited to add: Cristy’s post has been taken down due to a long and rather petty story. Will update with more when the smoke clears
Like So 
Good for you for standing up for yourself. No one can know what it’s like to have gone through all you have gone through, especially the loss of your son. You are one strong lady!
Amen, sista’. You say what you need to say, and keep the podcasts coming. ❤
network tv shows. don’t leave me hanging.
I just want to say that I look forward to the podcast every week, and please keep on keepin’ on. Sorry you guys have been taking so much flack recently and have had to go on the defensive, but just know that you have listeners who SO appreciate what you ladies are doing. Thank you!
After a decade of being told I was infertile, I am finally pregnant. I nearly lost the baby at 22 weeks and was told they would not intervene in any way – if the contractions continued I would have to give birth and they would not try to save her. Luckily labor did not progress, and we’re now at 32 weeks. I still think of myself as “infertile” and have a hard time understanding where I fit in now…and although I haven’t suffered the extreme losses you have suffered, your words helped me get through and know a little bit of what we were facing then. And now it is so wonderful to be able to read about your pregnancy and how it is balanced with your past. I NEED your perspective, as there are so few speaking up about being pregnant after infertility, and I’m sure there are many others out there who do as well.
Thank you Jill. Thank you so much. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth sailing.
Everyone (including your guests) that have put major time and effort into the podcast are AWESOME. I think that it is such an amazing resource for us infertiles- I even told everyone at my RESOLVE group that they should start listening as well.
Please pay no mind to the haters. We are all struggling with the crap that is infertility whether we have never been able to get pregnant, have had surgery(ies), or have had miscarriages. It affects us all in different ways, but there is no reason to write mean comments on someone’s blogs just because we are hurting. Blogging should be about SUPPORT.
Oh and if you ever decide to ask for money to help with podcast hosting costs….I am SURE that there would be lots of women (myself included) that would be happy to chip in some money!
Thanks hon!
Also, I would feel weird asking for money though I appreciate the sentiment! I don’t mind covering the costs at all to be honest. I just get defensive sometimes. Have you noticed that about me? :-p
You are doing an awesome job with the podcast, all of you, don’t let anyone tell you different! Also, it’s a very brave thing you are doing, to put yourselves out there, speaking about these topics and inviting guests.
It bothers me so much that people come on to your own blog and attack your pain. As much as I love reading what you have to say, do you think maybe it would help your sanity a little to step away from it? I’ve just mostly deleted my “internet presence,” thus the sort of anonymous name. I’m not a blog writer but I’ve found that becoming too immersed in reading blogs and writing comments can put me in an off, unproductive mood. I can’t imagine how I would be feeling if random shitheads came on to my site and told me how I should be feeling.
You are in nobody’s debt, you don’t need to share anything with anyone. You just do what feels right for you. And I will keep my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for your happiness and a smooth, uncomplicated pregnancy.
The Cartman video kicks ass! It’s your party so you can cry if you want to! You and C and S are super awesome! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
I love the podcast. Please don’t stop.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this bull. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Don’t stop podcasting! Those things have changed my life! If you need a boost, read my blog about how much they have helped me!!! http://nogoodeggs.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/hope-thanks-to-the-bitter-infertiles/
Have you ever read jennepper? She went through a similar struggle 2.5 years ago and it was not pretty, but she made it through. It’s a tough thing when you put your life on the internet for people to read. I’ve gotten a few nasty comments and those were enough to make me question if I wanted to keep blogging or not.
In regards to the podcast, I think it’s a great resource for so many, and I enjoy listening to it. I did wonder how newcomers would take it when they found out that you were all parenting or pregnant – and not because I think it’s a bad thing – but because the timing was just so strange that you all got to where you are at the same time. I do think that pregnant infertiles are definitely relevant, but I also see why some newer listeners may wonder, “what the heck?” At the end of the day though, it’s your project and you don’t need permission from anyone to be doing what you’re doing. And it’s obvious that people enjoy your work! I have actually enjoyed the discussions going on on other blogs about the relevance of “resolved” infertiles. I think it’s a great discussion to be having, being perfectly honest. I hate that people tend to think that “resolved” equals “cured.” It does not. The discussions that stemmed from your mention a few podcasts ago have been constructive, if you ask me. There have been some weird comments, but all-in-all, I think it’s rather interesting hearing/reading so many different perspectives!
Make your space your space. I fully support moderating comments. There’s no need for hate in the comments of one’s own blog. Moderate away!
I think what bugs me about the podcast discussions is that people keep on calling me resolved. I’m not resolved. Not even close. And that hurts. Can you give me a link to jennepper’s blog?
Jennepper.com. She’s parenting now, but has been through the wringer with TTC, IVF #1, FET #1 resulting in stillbirth of one twin (they were identical), and loss of the other when she was 16 months old (ugh), and then a surprise baby. Very good reading early on – I would start from the very beginning. That’s what I did when we were going through IF and it was the most helpful thing EVER. Her losses of Evelyn and Ainsley are very hard reading, but incredible. Start at beginning, then skip to summer 2010 when she picks up with her FET and then the pregnancy of the twins.
Like I just tweeted, I think the best thing that came out of those discussions is that IF is NOT resolved with pregnancy or parenting. That needed to be said, and it was said 20-times over which was so nice to read. I know that I will NEVER feel resolved just because we have children. And as you know, pregnancy can go bad at any time, so there’s no way that pregnancy = “resolved.” I understand the frustration – I really, REALLY do. BUT – I do think that many people see you all as EXTREMELY relevant (as do I) and the issue is just newcomers saying, “wait a minute – what about ME?”
The podcasts are great – I hope you keep them up!
Thanks Courtney. You always brig sanity to any preceding. 🙂 xoxo
Haters gonna hate, and they’ve been given too much bandwidth already. I’m parenting after loss, and when I was TTC after my son died, I totally stalked the blogs of ladies who were pregnant or parenting in similar situations, since it gave me hope. I still love rooting for everyone, at every stage of the journey. So, I’m looking forward to hearing more about your SUCCESSES, as well as some non-fertility/pregnancy related posts (which you’ve promised, but haven’t delivered!).
Jennepper is jennepper.com. She’s been through many layers of unimaginable hell but is still funny.
Thanks! You’re right I wanted to walk away from the Ali label and so far I’m still there. Working on it!
Who are these crazy people bad-mouthing the podcast?! Honestly! Sometimes I’m just astounded at the amount of bitterness in this world… anyway, I’m not sure if you’re able to see how many people do listen to it, but hopefully the stats prove that you are making a difference every single week by talking about these issues when NOBODY else is.
Also, it seems Cristy has taken down that post, but rest assured you’ve got way more supporters than trolls… when you see those negative comments, just pull a Jay-Z-dirt-off-your-shoulders move and leave it behind… 🙂
I’ve been shocked by this outrage over the podcast too. I wrote a post on it because I just couldn’t believe it. Keep doing what you’re doing!
I know the saying goes something along the lines of “can’t make all the people happy all the time, but make some people happy some of the time,” but you definitely make some people happy all of the time. Keep up the amazing work with your podcast and this fabulous. blog. To the haters out there, f ’em. You are doing this for you, not for them to feel better or worse about themselves.
I think its hard for some people to understand that there really is an infinite amount of happiness (and babies for that matter) available in the world, and just because you are getting both it doesn’t mean there is any less for them.
You have the right attitude in dealing with the negative people and seriously, if they don’t like something so much why are they exerting energy listening or reading (& complaining?)
Thank you again for everything 🙂
Please don’t stop blogging or podcasting! You’re truly a pioneer.
Sigh.
I wanted to comment on Cristy’s post but didn’t get the chance before it was taken down, so I’ll leave my comment here.
It makes me sad to see people criticizing you and the podcast. I, for one, really appreciate all the effort you ladies have put into the podcast and I think it’s an extremely valuable resource. It’s giving a voice and a new audience to a lot of women and stories that we might not have been exposed to otherwise. I also appreciate the fact that all three of you are still actively involved in the ALI community while pregnant. I’ve seen a lot of pregnant infertiles who have basically abandoned the ALI community as if to say, “Not my problem anymore.” That’s really disheartening. So I thank you all for continuing to do what you’re doing. Thank you for caring as much as you do.
I just do not understand. How can people debate whether you are “worthy” to host a podcast about infertility? I mean first of all, what makes anyone worthy to host a podcast? Most of the podcasts are a bunch of people who watch a lot of tv talking about said tv shows. What makes them qualified aside from watching tv and having an opinion? Second of all, you started the damn thing. That makes you worthy. IT’S YOUR PODCAST. And third of all, it’s not like you’re some random outsider that just decided to talk about infertility for fun because you really like the topic. You have lived with it! You are still living with it.
People make me really cranky.