Like So

Ranting, raving, burning bridges and moving forward.

Yeah, Still Crazy.

on January 2, 2013

See? This is why I’m so happy I started this new blog. I have nothing specific to write about, but I felt like writing, so here I am, writing. Boom!

Or something.

You know what? I do have something to write about. So there.

Something weird has happened lately. I’ve felt this sort of 180 shift in terms of the way my brain functions. In fact, it’s been so extreme I can’t quite tell if this is me being healthy or this is me being completely detached from my emotions.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still depressed, I still have issues functioning. But there are profoundly less ZOMG THE WORLD IS ENDING EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE thought cycles.

Things aren’t perfect around these parts by a long shot, but I’m less anxious about them. It’s all very creepy to me because I’m so used to freaking out about ALL THE THINGS all the time.

And that’s not happening. Yet I don’t think I’m emotionally detached because a couple of days ago I re-watched Forrest Gump and cried like a bitch. So that’s proof of being emotionally connected right? RIGHT?

I don’t know. I’m just not used to this level of QUIET.

It’s weird. Like really weird.

Ok so how does one test if one is emotionally detached other than watching tear-inducing movies? Because I think I need a test.

They should make an online quiz. After all, self-diagnosing mental illness is the best thing ever.

Then again, I can probably guess that I’m still as crazy as usual because I’m freaking out over NOT freaking out.

Yeah, I’m totes normal.

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10 responses to “Yeah, Still Crazy.

  1. Courtney says:

    I think that Forest Gump is definitely a great movie for testing emotional attachment. That, and in Cast Away when his volleyball friend (Nelson?) drifts away.

    I’m sure what you’re going through right now is normal, even if it doesn’t feel normal. I think any shift in one’s mental state/processing is scary – no matter what the shift is. I think when bad things happen (like loss), the mental shift from thinking about that loss ALL THE TIME to thinking about it less and less makes us feel like we’re letting go of the person we lost. And that is scary, I think. But – you’re not letting go. You’re making room in your mind for some other, happy things and that’s a good thing!

    I may be over-simplifying this, but I just want you to know that I do understand the “WTF is wrong with me?” thoughts when your mind decides to change course a little.

  2. Wannabemom says:

    I say ride the wave and enjoy it while it lasts. I think when we spend so long in one mode, it feels impossible that we could feel differently. Like we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  3. April says:

    You should totes write the online quiz. This could be what your google skills have trained you for.

    The quiet is a weird feeling, though. But I’m glad you’re writing when you feel like it. I’ve missed reading you often.

  4. Theresa says:

    When I struggled with depression, I always knew I was emotionally detached when I felt what I called “numb”. I think you would probably know.
    Crying at Forrest Gump helps too 🙂

  5. Christina says:

    Mental quiet is good, but like any quiet, can be unsettling. Change is good when you’ve been same old- same old or stagnant.

    As for the online mental health quiz, make it short answer. You can gauge the person’s level of crazy by # of words and punctuation and the ratio between 🙂

  6. me0me says:

    I am not sure Forrest Gump counts, since it’s completely external. How about – think about something that should objectively make you happy. See how you feel. Go with positive, because – why the fuck not? Even if it’s not your go-to, it definitely won’t hurt.

  7. AK says:

    Yay new blog! I love it. Also, crazy is the new normal. Embrace the you.

  8. Daryl says:

    Don’t fight the weird. Just go with it. And hope the non-freaking-out brain sticks around.

  9. Kristin says:

    Reacting like that to Forrest Gump is totally proof of being emotionally connected. And, I agree with Daryl…embrace the weird!

  10. Alissa says:

    Well I am an emotionally hormonal wreck as well as detached so beat that! Glad to be reading you in this new space where you can be your weird self.

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